Breakin' up is hard to do...

...but sometimes it's for the best. Sorry "The Office," but you've just been dropped from our line-up of watched shows. We'd give you the "it's not you, it's me" routine, but honestly, it is you. You're just not funny anymore and haven't been for awhile now. We tried liking you, we really did, but it's just not working out. So with little regret we inform you that you've been replaced by Olivia Dunham and Pacey Witter, I mean Peter Bishop of Fringe. We're much happier now.

On Marriage

It’s been a few weeks, but hey, it’s never too late to celebrate the old ball and chain (I mean, wedded bliss!) We celebrated our third anniversary in Newport Beach and it was sooo luxurious, partly because we beat the 107 heat wave at home in exchange for sunny 75. Newport Beach is just as I remembered it from watching the O.C. – all ritzy and boat-harbory and beautiful. But I had no idea it was so patriotic! Since I happen to LOVE the USA, I was pleasantly surprised.

Reflections on marriage: Before I got married, I always heard that you shouldn’t marry someone unless you’ve experienced four seasons and a road trip with that person. I happen to agree with that philosophy, but I have something to add. Four seasons, a road trip, and putting together a piece of IKEA furniture. I’m happy to report that the Mr. and I were able to pass all three tests, although there were some tense moments while building the KULLEN wardrobe right before the big day. Somehow we survived amidst the incessant barking of orders (him) and all of the unabashed swearing (me). (I’ve since seen the error of my ways and now reserve my swearing for the most extreme of circumstances – i.e. driving in SF suburbs and discussing politics.)

Now that it’s been a few years, I am even more convinced that I married the best. Someone who makes me laugh, someone who makes me safe and someone who I can’t wait to see every day. Oh, and someone who doesn’t mind me sleeping during each and every road trip – thanks babe. Here’s to 70 more (I’m optimistic)!

Top 5 follow up

After reading the Mrs.' list of Top 5 Worst Male Actors (which I quite agree with) I thought I'd come up with my own. Feel free to comment with any suggestions, but just know that this list is set in stone baby. So to round out this category, here's a male's perspective on the....

Top 5 Worst Female Actors

5. Katherine Heigl - You didn't submit your name for Emmy consideration because you felt you weren't given the material to justify it. What a cop out! If you're given crap material then you do the best you can with it. And if you're able to create a great performance with horrible writing then guess what, you'd be a great actress! Unfortunately for you that's not the case. Your mom knew best when she said you “didn’t have a shot in hell of winning.” Congratulations, you suck.

Hey look at me, I have a cellphone! News flash, a lot of us do.

4. Tara Reid - Part of being a good actress is the ability to make the audience believe that you really could be the character you're playing. That if the story contained in the film were in fact some alternate reality you really would be that person. Tara was once cast as a "young genius anthropologist with an incredible memory." No further explanation necessary.

Sorry Tara, but I scowered the internet for the best picture
I could find and this is all there was I promise.

3. Paris Hilton - My, I don't even know where to start with Paris and really I think her being on this list goes without saying. My reasoning for placing her third and not first or second, is that she's a dimwit and really doesn't know what she's doing. She never should have been given a chance to act in the first place, but whatever.

Take my picture I'm famous! My contributions to society include crying
during my DUI court appearance and coining the phrase "That's hot."

2. Nicholas Cage - Surprise! He's a woman. Even though s/he's played some tough guy roles and tries at times to be a bad a**, s/he just can't do it without exuding his/her inner Fem prowess. But really, its not totally his/her fault s/he's a bad actor. Hollywood needs to stop giving free passes to relatives of previously famous people. Just because s/he's Francis Ford Coppola's nephew/neice doesn't mean s/he has any business acting.

This picture just SCREAMS chick.

1. Sandra Oh - Congratulations! You're the big winner! Each and every performance of yours I see I want to gouge my eyes out. After all, isn't that what acting is all about?

What exactly are you doing in this picture?

And then here's one more for good measure...

Der.

Top 5 Maiden Voyage

Is it June already? Shoot, just wrote that pet post with the skanky lady on top. Where did the time go?

I've decided to revisit an old pasttime, but this time in the blogosphere. Top 5. It will never be quite as good as it was when scrawled in dry erase marker on the mirror at the Albright house, but will hopefully garner at least some of the serious thought and respect given back in the day. I distinctly remember discussing at length the "Top 5 Action Movies of All Time." I don't remember what was at the top, but I remember "Heat" was definitely in the mix. Come to think of it, there was a lot of discussion about "Heat" in that house.

Here's how this is going to go. Each week (or whenever I feel like it) I'll post a "Top 5" list on a particular topic. I'll provide justification for my choices (when needed; some will be obvious.) I would looooove your feedback. If you disagree with my list (or the order thereof), leave me a comment, with a sound argument, of course, and if I decide to revise the list, I'll post the revision and credit you (and/or your blog) for it. You can also leave a comment with a suggestion for a list topic (cause I might run out of ideas and then have an excuse not to post for another 6 months.) Ok. On to the first list.

TOP 5 WORST MALE ACTORS

5. John Travolta. Two words: Battlefield. Earth.


4. Kevin Costner. His most believable character had to be Robin Hood.


3. David Caruso. One-liners+sunglasses+The Who = Awesomely bad. He is good in a montage, though.


2. Nicolas Cage. Kinda reminds me of that guy in high school who is always on the downhill of a really low-grade mj high. He delivers every line like a token "stoner" from the 80's.


and drumroll...

1. Keanu Reeves. When your best role of all time is Ted Theodore Logan from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, it's time to get out of the business. Although, to be fair, he plays a pretty good alien robot. Robot voice, robot voice...

Happy New Year!

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: Find more ridiculous things to blog about.

I'm starting off this year with a DOOZIE.

If you're a pet lover or know someone who is (and I mean Real Pet Lover), here are a few ideas to jump start your holiday shopping for Christmas '09. And I'm not making these up, folks. (Just kicking myself for not thinking of them first.)

I present to you:

The Puppoose


Awwww. The perfect petcessory. (Might want to sedate Fido before trying this one out...)

Pet Cremation Urns


Complete with a digital photo slide show. Kinda sad, but, well, funny.

The Life Jewel Pendant


For $75, you could have "a wearable charm made with DNA collected from a cheek swab from your pet." FINALLY a company exists that will collect your pet's slobber. It's not like they're just GIVING it away.

The Dog Walker

Sure hope that little guy can keep up. His neck is literally on the line.

The Hotdoll

Knick, knack, paddy-whack, give your dog a bone.

R U a princess 2?

The Mr. and I were having a long conversation about this after seeing one of these frames on a car in the Outback parking lot the other night. According to him, "people who have these plates are either stuck up b's and actually think they are royalty, or they really wish they were and need validation from other people who see their plates (and/or velour pants)."

Well said, my love. I couldn't agree more.

Anyone else out there feel the same way? Or are you guilty of this gross offense? (If so, do you fall under category A or B?)

At a venue near you...

Slash and Darth Maul. Making beautiful music together.*

Happy Halloween!

(*We're still voting YES on Prop 8)